When the world around you is quiet, what do you hear?
The more silent the world outside becomes, the more I can listen to the noise from inside. That noise varies from day to day, but as I try to find balance and stillness in my life, I find that I become more aware of the cacophony inside.
The noise from within my soul is the sound of my fears, my dreams, regrets and desires. Also, sometimes that sound is measured with compassion, concern and courage.
I have discovered recently that expectation is often the greatest cause of discordance within my soul. Expectation, whether from a sense of entitlement or expectation after an effort has been expended, creates for me more soul-noise than anything.
Expectation, I have found, is the enemy of gratitude.
Self expectation, expectation of others, expectation of deity. All of these coalesce into a roaring maelstrom that defeats my desire to find peace, which I think may be cloaked in gratitude and compassion.
Expectation is essentially self focused. So as I seek to understand myself, I seek to find out why I have these expectations, and if they are reasonable or something else. I try to understand which of my needs these expectations satisfy. Often, I find that the expectation meets several of my needs, which is why I am so addicted to these expectations.
I suspect that the more I move away from expectation, the greater peace I will find, and the greater compassion I will discover.
So in my attempt to find stillness in my soul, I have to learn to let go of expectation.
And that is not easy.
Dr. Alan Barnes
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