Morning Reflection: Giving yourself permission to let go.

Giving yourself permission to let go.

Humanity comes with a price – awareness, sentience, choice. Each of us holds that precious balance between what we could do, and what we choose to do. Often we have our own set of rules, that we have adopted from that which we have observed, and that which we have decided for ourselves.

In short, we have a definition of ourselves that dictates who we are, how we behave, and often even how we feel.

But sometimes, these self-rules prevent us from acting in our own self interests, especially when it comes to letting go of old self-beliefs.

When I am coaching with someone, and they use the phrase “I am” followed by a definition, I will often explore with them that definition, so that they may come to a greater knowledge of themselves.

You would be surprised the number of times that we find out that a self definition, especially one that is preventing progress, was created after a painful interaction with a parent, a spouse or a friend. These definitions can create pain, heartache and sadness for many years, even if that definition has no basis in reality.

An example would be the woman who thinks she is overweight, because a well meaning but poorly executing parent tells her that she needs to lose “just a few pounds’. Another example would be a man who was told as a teenager that he would ‘always be a problem’ and has adopted that belief into his soul and so acts accordingly.

Or maybe it’s the parent who is blinded by their expectation of what “should be” and who instead misses out on all that they actually do have with their children.

If, in your self-reflection, you find that you have some of these difficult self definitions, I invite you today to question them, and see if this is something that you can let go.

Letting go does not make you a bad person, nor does it make you ungrateful to a person who may have been trying to help.

It simply means that you are using your sentience, your awareness and your power to choose to determine your own future, and travel down your own pathway in the way that you feel best reflects the truth of your being.

If all you are waiting for is permission to become who you know you really are, then this is your permission slip.

Be kind, know yourself and become.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes

@maddrbdc

Morning Reflection: Do you struggle being kind to yourself?

Do you struggle being kind to yourself?

Over the years of my journey into self awareness, I think I have slowly become kinder to others. I have always tried to treat other people well regardless of how I feel about them, but deep in my heart there was often judgment instead of compassion, and coldness where there could have been warmth.

But the further I have walked into my journey of awareness, the greater a depth of compassion I have found for people. I can see, or at least I think I can see, why they sometimes behave in ways that are not their best selves.

Like someone who cannot keep a secret, who is in actuality lonely and looking for ways to connect; or a person who only contacts me when they need something but who is really suffering from a deep well of personal insignificance; or another person who continually grasps at money even though they have sufficient for their needs but who is actually seeking to fill a deep personal wound of feeling less than everyone else.

As I see their patterns, and I understand how their wounds precipitate their actions, I find that I am moved by compassion to have less frustration at their behaviors, and instead a greater patience and willingness to forgive.

This is still hard for me, but I can say with honesty that I am getting better at being kinder to other people.

Yet I still struggle immensely with self kindness, and self compassion. Behaviors I can forgive in others are ones that I condemn myself for. The peace which I am able to help others achieve seems much harder to find for myself.

In short, I am my harshest critic, and my greatest source of condemnation.

But I have begun to find ways through this.

As I examine my own self stories, I have found ways to interject compassionate self talk into my judgments, and realize some small measure of change in the way that I see myself.

While there is still frustration, there is sometimes compassion; while there is still anger, sometimes there is love; while there is still a fervent desire to move forward to achieve what I believe I am capable of, there is occasionally a willingness to allow myself to rest.

Ultimately, peace is found through self acceptance, self compassion, and self love. If you are struggling with this, please don’t give up.

You are worth far more than you feel about yourself, and I truly believe that you have a part to play in our ongoing progression.

Be kind to yourself, and give yourself the gift of compassion.

You are worth it.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes

@maddrbdc