Morning Reflection: An elusive sense of peace

An elusive sense of peace.

In my youth, I craved excitement, adventure, the new, the fast, the different. As I have grown, my desires have changed, as I search for calmness, a wider perspective, a more balanced alignment of my soul.

Yet peace is elusive, and I think I am beginning to understand why. It may be that my requirements for peace are driven by my ego, and not by a sense of reality.

Growing up in a somewhat dysfunctional home, I developed a sense that in order to find peace, I had to have control over everything. Chaos was an ever frequent visitor, and as a child, chaos robbed me of one of my needs, a need for certainty.

In my quest for control, I learned several skills, or behaviors, that sustained me as a child, but as an adult have caused pain for myself and those around me.

I learned to withdraw from uncertainty, which creates strain in my relationships as I fail to open up, be honest and share my true feelings.

I learned to manipulate people; to change their actions towards me in an effort to protect myself. This is something I desperately try to avoid as an adult, yet I find myself doing this as a reflex and I wonder if people really like me, or the manipulations that they see affected in my day to day behaviors. This creates a profound sense of uncertainty.

I learned that in order to achieve peace, I had to avoid risk, which has resulted in massive pain for myself and my family as I wasted almost a decade of my life working in a situation which did not benefit us.

I learned to live with the pain of not living my purpose, trading a potential but uncertain future for a certain but painful now.

As an adult, I continue to struggle with these child-formed beliefs of control, which are fantasies not realities. This behavior continually deprives me of a possible sense of peace, one that is rooted in faith rather than fear, courage rather control, and possibility rather than perfectionism.

Peace, I have found, is far more elusive than I had imagined.

And it is a difficult journey.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes

@maddrbdc

Morning Reflection: The Perspective of All That Is

The perspective of all that is.

I have often wondered what my ancestors would think of me. Would they look at my life, marveling at the peace and comfort that surrounds me? What must my descendants think of me, struggling here with the rudimentary technology that they find comical in its inadequacy.

Will those in the future look at me in the way that I look at people 200 years ago; with a wry smile at the strange beliefs and customs that limited and constrained their progression.

I often wonder what is it that will appear so obvious in 100 years, yet is unknown to us now. My recent readings and studies suggest that our mind, focus and intention in the quantum and macro-quantum worlds is the next frontier in our ongoing adventure as a species.

Yet for all of our technology, I believe it is the progression of the collective soul of our common humanity that will ennoble and edify our evolution.

When we take the suffering of others more seriously. When we demand a greater humanity from those who would lead. When we are willing to allow humility and compassion to console our own wounds, and when we are ready to give of ourselves because in our hearts we are wealthy, only then will we be ready to live up to the divine spark that resides in each one of us.

When we see our lives from the perspective of all that is, we will recognize that we are more wealthy than we imagine, more powerful that we realize; far stronger than our challenges; and more loving than our fears.

Then, we will understand ourselves, and each other.

And we will have peace.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes

@maddrbdc