Morning Reflection: The stories we believe in ourselves

The stories we believe in ourselves.

As little children we love stories. We love being read to. We love how in a story, the world makes sense.

As we grow, we tell ourselves stories to explain why the world works in the way it does. In light of the chaos present in the universe, telling stories allows us to create structure, logic and understanding.

But sometimes we tell ourselves stories to explain things we can’t understand. As the child of an emotionally absent father, I created the story that I was such a bad child my father didn’t want to be around me. It was either that, or try to understand a situation for which I had no reference, logic or rationale.

A good friend of mine adopted the story that she was overweight because her mother was pressuring her to lose weight, when in truth it was about the mother’s issues, and nothing to do with my friend. She carried this for many years, and in some aspects still carries it. An untruth, made into a truth, by a desire to be accepted, loved and cherished.

When we accept these stories as a child, they become the filters through which we understand the world. The child who believes they must be perfect will never know the peace of ‘good enough’. The teenager who believes they are different will never know the feeling of being a part of something larger. The adult who believes they are destined to fail will never know the satisfaction of risking and winning, because they will never try.

Unless they un-learn these stories, challenge the narrative, break out of the imaginary chains and soar into the new truth.

That they are enough. They are powerful. They can succeed.

Make sure that every child within your influence hears the right stories. That life is tough for all, but hard work and persistence makes a difference. That we all fail at some time, but we try again. That heartbreak is rarely permanent, and never a reason to stop loving.

And most importantly, that they are loved, cherished, valued and cared for.

They are. You are. We are.

Change their story, change their life.

Begin.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes

@maddrbdc

Morning Reflection: Where do you focus your attention?

Where do you focus your attention?

In this digital age, it’s easy to lose focus on the important things. There is an ever increasing plethora of attention grabbing apps, websites, channels and ways to communicate.

Yet in a world where information acquisition is easier than ever, we often allow our attention to be drawn away from that which is important, to that which is immediate and/or immaterial.

I have come to realize that our attention is usually focused in one of 3 spheres. The first is the ‘sphere of concern’. This sphere contains things which draw our attention, but over which we have very little input, and thus can effect very little change in our lives.

The second is the sphere of influence, where we can focus our attention, backed up with action, to make a difference, though not necessarily have a defining input to change the outcome of a situation.

Finally there is our sphere of control, where our ability to apply attention and action can have massive changes in our lives, as we control the outcome of a situation or an event.

I find that I often allow my attention to drift into my sphere of concern, because this is usually something that requires no action from me. In this way I can feel good about being concerned about something or someone, but have very little responsibility for doing anything.

But when I focus on my sphere of control, I can make significant changes to my life in a short space of time, but it requires me to take action and actually do something.

It’s so much easier to focus my attention on things that do not present risk or require work.

But this produces no results. Focusing on my sphere of control helps me to take action in my life, and achieve and become more.

It’s all a matter of attention.

Where will you focus your attention today?

-- Dr. Alan Barnes

@maddrbdc

Morning Reflection: Each day, sometimes each hour, brings change.

Each day, sometimes each hour, brings change.

I love spring and fall. While winter and summer have their attractions, for me there is nothing better than a crisp spring or fall morning. In spring, we see life affirming its strength, as new things grow and prepare to make our world a better, brighter and more beautiful place. In fall, we see life affirming its wisdom, as it changes to prepare to endure the harsh winter and begin again in the spring.

In self examination, I realize that I like these two seasons most of all because they represent transition, movement, progression. It is much the same for me in an airport or a train station. The feeling of freedom, newness; a future always beckoning me onwards.

But I also find that I focus too easily on the next, the new or the novelty, and lose my focus of this moment, now, today.

Yet there are also changes that I dislike. A new wrinkle or a new gray hair in my beard. Signs that indicate changes I can’t control.

The truth is that change is a constant, but we only like the changes that we want. We don’t like the changes that in some way threaten our core needs.

The more I come to accept that I cannot control all the changes, the more I am able to focus my energy and intention onto the areas of my life that I can control. The less I allow the small changes to bother me, the less time I spend wasting my emotional energy on activities that do not benefit me.

When time is your currency, focus your wealth, and energy your power, choose to spend them in a deep, determined and disciplined manifestation of all that you CAN change, and spend less time worrying about that which you cannot.

It is said that time is a healer, but it is also your helper.

Spend your time today in pursuit of your greatest you. You won’t regret it.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes

@maddrbdc

Morning Reflection: Into the Unknown

Into the unknown.

Life is a very strange experience. The older I become, the less I understand the directions my life moves in. For someone who is addicted to certainty, that is a frustrating reality to inhabit.

More and more I find myself moving into a role for which I find myself strangely equipped, but emotionally less than sure of. It feels like Life has taken a hold of me, and is moving me through waters of its own choosing.

Change is my only constant, and I am learning, slowly, to make peace with that. It starts by letting go of the thoughts, ideas, beliefs and constructs that I have used to ‘hold back the tide’ of change.

Instead, I am learning to surrender to the flow of the water, and just try my best in each circumstance that I find myself in. Trust has always been my weak point, and that weakness is being tested daily, hourly.

I have been richly blessed over this last week to be in situations where this new direction has allowed me to use my gifts to help others. I cannot express in words the deep resounding calm that I feel as I have been privileged to help people through their challenges.

I feel like I am beginning to move into my purpose, a feeling I have not felt in a very long time.

But I have no idea where this is leading me. The future remains unclear, with a myriad of potential outcomes unfolding in front of me.

I am scared, I am hopeful, I am confused.

But I am moving onwards.

Dr. Alan Barnes

@maddrbdc