Morning Reflection: How do you balance gratitude

How do you balance gratitude?

Yesterday morning I stepped outside to get the mail. It was a beautiful morning, and although it was cold, the sun shone brightly and the world seemed at peace.

I have read enough history to know that in the history of the entire human race, I am very blessed. To be where I am, at this time, in this place, in my circumstances…a large percentage of humanity that has ever existed would consider me very fortunate, and trade places with me in a moment.

Yet I find that I struggle with gratitude, because there is in my core an ambition growling that nothing I have achieved is even remotely enough. I’m not sure what “enough” would be, but I know I don’t feel that I am even close to being there.

And I realize that I am ungrateful, and I struggle to change.

I seek to find a balance, some internal awareness that can be thankful, and at that moment allow myself to find joy in where I am at, yet still maintain a desire to become more.

I have come so very far from where I started, both in life and in geography. I have, in most aspects, eclipsed the probable outcomes of my birth.

I have been helped along the way, of that there is no question, but I question the level of gratitude I feel regarding that help. I think that, in some way, being grateful for help is linked in my mind to not being enough, that I am ashamed for having needed help, that I was insufficient.

Even writing these words I see the inconstancy behind them, but who ever said that we, as humans, are paragons of consistency? It may be said of us that our constant inconsistency is what separates us from machines.

So today, I ask of you, how do you balance gratitude with ambition? Does gratitude come easily to you, or do you, like me, recognize that you have very far to go in reaching a grateful state of being?

I would welcome your thoughts today. Your wisdom could help my struggle.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes

@maddrbdc

Morning Reflection: What does your heart tell you?

What does your heart tell you?

The quality of our life resides in the quality of our choices. When I look back at my life, I find that I have chosen well in some things, and in others, I have chosen in a way that did not support my highest aspirations.

A common thread throughout my poorer choices has been an element of fear. When fear distorts my decisions, I find myself choosing the path that leads to less joy, happiness and satisfaction.

But in trying to understand myself, I have come to a realization that the most serious choices are usually the ones that start with what to think. It has taken me many years to accept the truth that no matter the situation, I have a choice in what to think about it.

One of the truths I have tried to incorporate into my life is that ‘it’s never the event, it’s the meaning we give to it’. In any situation, we actually have a choice as to how we interpret those events.

When my eldest son was born, we discovered a few hours after his birth that he would require open heart surgery to correct a congenital defect that otherwise could kill him.

At the time, I was devastated. A million thoughts went through my head, and honestly, a lot of those were along the lines of “why me, why us, why this”. Those ‘feelings’ were raw emotion expressed out of negative thoughts left unchecked in my heart, and did not serve me.

I spent years, many years, feeling like we had been poorly treated by the universe, and this feeling colored so many of my choices and understandings.

Now, some two decades later, I have reached an understanding that really, we were very lucky. His condition, while serious, was uncomplicated, and he has thrived and is doing very well.

Even though I would rather not have gone through the circumstances of his birth, I can choose to feel gratitude for the positives aspects of his condition, for the wonderful service of the medical teams who kept him alive and made him well, and for the support of family, friends and even strangers who lifted us when we were down, and carried us when we could not carry ourselves.

The hardest truth is that even my feelings are a choice, unless I decide to give up my ability to choose, and just “follow my heart”.

When I started this reflection with “What does your heart tell you”, most people probably thought this was going to be a post about following your heart, but it’s not. Your ‘heart’ is really the sum of all of your needs, wants, desires and dreams, but it’s also the repository for all of your fears, unmet needs, traumas and tears.

Unless you have walked though the deeper truths of your soul, following your heart is often a continuation of the pain and misunderstandings of yesterday, left unchecked and unrestrained so that those feelings can affect and alter your todays and tomorrows.

Follow your heart, but only when you are sure that your heart is full of truth, not error; love not hate; gratitude not selfishness; kindness not chaos.

Balance your heart, and you will live with a greater sense of gratitude and wonder.

And you can know peace.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes

@maddrbdc

Morning Reflection: You only have this moment.

You only have this moment.

In 2017, to celebrate losing 130 pounds, I faced one of my biggest fears and went skydiving. A powerful lesson I learned that day has stuck with me.

Life is fragile, but you have to live it to enjoy it.

When I decided to go skydiving, I knew I would be scared, and yet I did it anyway. I wanted to push myself, to do something so out of character for me that it would change my life forever.

That moment happened at around 10,000 feet. As I sat in a small bumpy plane, I felt a storm of emotions. I was terrified, knowing that in a few minutes I was going to be jumping out of that plane and risking my life in the pursuit of some elusive ideal. With a cold sensation coursing through my veins, it became suddenly real. Very, very real.

I could die here today.

Realistically, I knew it was unlikely. Statistically it was very safe, yet there was still the possibility of it happening, and that small possibility was enough to scare me to a point of terror and make me think about backing out. But then everything changed.

As I looked at the other 3 jumpers in the plane, I realized with a sudden absolute certainty that there was no way I wasn’t jumping, because I was in front of the door, blocking everyone else. If I refused, in all likelihood they would throw me out anyway.

There was no way back – this was happening.

And then it all changed. As my brain encountered the raw, unfiltered truth of what was about to come to pass, I realized that since I couldn’t stop it, there was no point in worrying about it. I couldn’t change the outcome now, all worrying would do was spoil any enjoyment of the moment that I could find.

So I decided to just enjoy it, to live it, to celebrate all the changes in my life that had led me to celebrate the accomplishment of losing so much weight and enjoy the sensation of weightlessness.

And from that moment on, it was an amazing experience. As we tumbled out of the plane and reached a stable position, I felt a glorious, awe inspiring and life affirming feeling of joy, gratitude and celebration.

This was life, and I was living it. Yes it was scary, yes it was tough and yes, it could still go wrong, but I had chosen to face my fears and participate in life in a way that pushed me out of comfort zone and into a new life.

And it was glorious.

Wherever you are today, please live your life. Yes, it may be scary and yes, it could go wrong, but you have today, now, this moment. Live it as fully as you can, embracing all the good you can do in the world, and be the person you were meant to be.

My hope for you today is that you will fully live your life, with gratitude for who you are and with courage to become all that you can yet be.

Live life, feel gratitude and celebrate peace.

And become.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes

@maddrbdc

Morning Reflection: Changing my Perspective Changes my Emotion.

Changing my perspective changes my emotion.

As I try to control my state, or in other words control my mindset, I have found that losing my perspective is often associated with an increased intensity of unwanted emotions.

Last year’s eclipse was a chance for me to evaluate my perspective. For a brief moment in time, the moon obscuring the sun helped me experience, in a more profound manner, my place in the universe.

So often we allow ourselves to be drawn into this world-bound, time-locked existence where the small seems to be much bigger.

But when I am reminded, like last year, that we are a part of something much larger and more complex than we can comprehend, I find my perspective is changed, and the things which trouble me are reduced in comparison.

In experiencing the eclipse, I felt part of something greater. Strangely, this did not make me feel smaller, but reminded me that I am a component of a much larger whole, and that somehow soothes my soul.

I felt a sense of community with the whole human race, which brought a joy to my soul that few things can match. A friend of mine wrote that the eclipse was for him a ‘spiritual experience’, and I know how he feels.

While the universe can be a difficult place in which to reside, I am comforted by the realization that there is so much more out there than the small things which unbalance me day to day.

Whatever your belief about the origins and ongoing nature of this universe in which we reside, I hope you find strength and perspective when you look up into the sky.

We are a part of something greater than we can possibly imagine.

And that gives us value.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes

@maddrbdc

His example made a difference in my life

Yeah, the picture is slightly blurry, but my memory of this day is as sharp as ever.

This is Greg Plitt. Fitness model, author, motivational speaker, former army ranger. He acted, was on TV, and had an amazing life.

On June 8, 2013, Greg was part of the Bodybuilding.com Fitness Expo in Boise.

Although he was rushed, he spent a couple of minutes talking to me, and then was willing to be photographed with me.

For him, that was an everyday thing. For me, I hated being photographed. I hated how I looked, how I felt and who I was.

But he didn’t see me that way. He made me feel like I could be successful, could change my life. I told him that day that I was going to change. It took me longer than I hoped...but I made it.

But I made it too late...

See the rest of this post at Shrinking Dr. B.