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Morning Reflection: The Beliefs of a Child

The beliefs of a child.

As I examine my thoughts, I find that the deepest, darkest and most restrictive self beliefs that I hold were formed in my early childhood years. Then, like scripture of the soul, they are followed without a sincere, objective evaluation.

I find it requires great stillness to become aware of these thoughts and beliefs. Often they are found in unnecessarily intense responses to a situation that did not deserve such.

Since most of these deep beliefs are formed in childhood, I have come to realize that the vulnerability of being a child creates an immense interpretive distortion in the experiences that shape our beliefs.

Our interpretation of any event is the process by which we create meaning, and meaning thereby creates an emotion. As a child, our vulnerability and immaturity can exaggerate a potentially painful occurrence into a life threatening perspective.

As an example, strong disapproval from a dominating parent can be interpreted as a threat of abandonment, which is then perceived as a life threatening event to be avoided at all costs. Or maybe a child who grows up seeing his or her parents dreadfully unhappy will avoid responsibility usually associated with maturity in a desperate attempt to avoid the pain which he or she perceives as being an outcome of being self sufficient.

These beliefs become a part of us. Never questioned, every active in our minds.

Over time, we perceive more and more experiences through this perspective, and we never stop to realize that the very lens through which we are viewing the world is distorted, deformed and destructive.

This often creates a psychologically debilitating pattern of painful perspectives and subsequent behaviors that limit where there are no boundaries, and restrain when there could be rejoicing.

Since these beliefs are usually formed in the presence of a perspective-magnified pain, I find myself reluctant to shine a light into my own darkness.

Only in the still calmness of peace can I truly stare into the center of my soul, and find a way through the darkness into the clarity of a newly awakened perspective.

Facing the darkness is often the only way to find the light.

So I search onwards, finding the truths of my soul.

But they are…elusive.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes

@maddrbdc

Morning Reflection: The Resonance of Purpose

The resonance of purpose.

Sound resonates, wine glasses resonate, and energy resonates. So, I’ve discovered, does purpose.

As I step into the uncertainty of what I believe my purpose can be, I am learning to listen more intently to my thoughts and feelings.

As someone who probably should be diagnosed with ADD, listening to my inner thoughts can often be exhausting.

But the more I try to quiet my life so that I can better hear the sound of my purpose, I am achieving a greater clarity. This is not to imply that I know where things are going, quite the opposite, but at the times when my planning and performance intersect with my purpose, there is a greater degree of resonance.

That manifests in curious ways, such as the knowledge of the right words that will open the floodgates of joy for someone, or helping another person cross a difficult emotional bridge.

Over the last year it has been a humbling privilege to have been of assistance to people, using what I believe are my true gifts, to assist them in finding direction in their struggles and challenges.

Resonance, I have come to understand, is the guidepost to purpose. When a situation resonates, when my gifts and skills align with my desire to help others, and I feel that deep sense of purpose resonate within me, that is the Universe beckoning me onward. To lift, to serve, to inspire.

I have spent the last 30 years of my life trying to understand myself, sometimes pushing through despair and sadness, feeling like I was lost. I still don’t know where I am going, but I feel like I am moving forward.

And for now, that has to be enough. I would prefer to know my destination, but instead I will try for humility to accept my current progress, to serve where I am, and the courage to take the next steps on this journey.

Where are you going?

Dr. Alan Barnes

@maddrbdc

Morning Reflection: Listening

“Silence cannot be misquoted, but it can be misinterpreted”.

As I grow through life, I have tried to learn to speak less and listen more. What greater respect can I pay other people than to truly listen to what they have to say, and try to learn from them?

Listening involves letting go of what I want to say, my desires for the conversation, and actually giving the other person time to pause, reflect and continue.

I have tried to stop myself from interrupting, talking over others, and also ‘rapidly answering’, where it is obvious that I have spoken before I have fully understood what has been spoken to me.

I have found that it is harder to do than I would have thought, but in doing so I have learned a greater control over interactions with people.

I have time in a conversation now, to allow compassion to have greater sway over condemnation, to allow humility to modulate that which could be perceived as hurtful, and to allow reflection to stop what could otherwise be resentment.

There is much to learn in listening, and I have tried to take to heart a quote attributed to the Buddha, “speak only if your words are more beautiful than the silence”.

Yet it occurs to me that my silence can be misinterpreted. A recent period of silence in a relationship that is dear to my heart was probably misinterpreted by the other party as something quite different.

My silence was deliberate, but only so that I could make sure that when I spoke, my words would be carefully chosen, and kind rather than callous. But I believe that my silence was taken quite differently, and at this point I fear that I must allow time to heal a wound that was self-assumed by the receiver in my period of silence, but which hurts nonetheless.

In this I also learned, that often when we misinterpret silence on the part of another, we do so in a way that is selfish, choosing the interpretation that best fits our own ego driven needs. In my interpretation of silence on the part of another, how often do I allow for the possible interpretation that places them in a better light?

As I try to move towards being a kinder person, I realize that the first, only and last barrier to kindness is that within my soul which I have not yet made peace with.

In speaking less, I hope to not only learn from others, but ultimately, to learn and better myself.

Today I will trust in silence, and move towards kindness.

And continue listening.

Dr. Alan Barnes

@maddrbdc

Morning Reflection: Expectation

When the world around you is quiet, what do you hear?

The more silent the world outside becomes, the more I can listen to the noise from inside. That noise varies from day to day, but as I try to find balance and stillness in my life, I find that I become more aware of the cacophony inside.

The noise from within my soul is the sound of my fears, my dreams, regrets and desires. Also, sometimes that sound is measured with compassion, concern and courage.

I have discovered recently that expectation is often the greatest cause of discordance within my soul. Expectation, whether from a sense of entitlement or expectation after an effort has been expended, creates for me more soul-noise than anything.

Expectation, I have found, is the enemy of gratitude.

Self expectation, expectation of others, expectation of deity. All of these coalesce into a roaring maelstrom that defeats my desire to find peace, which I think may be cloaked in gratitude and compassion.

Expectation is essentially self focused. So as I seek to understand myself, I seek to find out why I have these expectations, and if they are reasonable or something else. I try to understand which of my needs these expectations satisfy. Often, I find that the expectation meets several of my needs, which is why I am so addicted to these expectations.

I suspect that the more I move away from expectation, the greater peace I will find, and the greater compassion I will discover.

So in my attempt to find stillness in my soul, I have to learn to let go of expectation.

And that is not easy.

Dr. Alan Barnes

@maddrbdc

Morning Reflection: Noise is Oscillation

Could you turn it down please...

Prior to the advent of headphones, I heard this a lot as a child. Then as headphones became more popular, the sound got quieter, but the noise got louder.

I live in a world today with a lot of noise. Some comes from my soul, some comes from the drama of other people, and some from what a teacher of mine refers to as ‘human problems’, by which I think he means that inescapable fact of being a person, alive in this universe.

But recently I have noticed that I use the noise of others to drown out the noise of my own soul. That comes from my wants, my needs, my beliefs and my fears.

Over the last 10 years I have allowed other people to become my distraction. What looked like dedicated service, or great kindness, was often a way for me to avoid the sound of my own soul.

Too many of us now live in a world of distraction, noise, entertainment and the ever present soundtrack of headphones, devices and clicks.

When do we take time to be silent, and allow the whispering of our soul to become pre-eminent in our lives. How often do we sit in silence and solitude, allowing the universe to unfold before us.

No, we use the noise to avoid the silence that introspection requires.

And that noise stops us from living out our lives authentically, honestly and vibrantly.

Life requires balance, and noise is oscillation.

To find peace, seek silence.

And listen.

Dr. Alan Barnes

@maddrbdc

Morning Reflection: Listen to the Silence

The truths we don't want to hear, are often found in the silence we try to avoid.

I've been working harder on my meditation practice over the last couple of weeks, and I've realized that the thoughts that intrude are often the sign of areas of my life that are incomplete, unbalanced and requiring my attention.

Reflection requires focus, and too often we distract ourselves. We use media to distract us, serving others to justify us, our angers to persuade us, food to pacify us, and causes to absorb us.

All of these create a pathway of avoidance, while the silence that our heart requires to find peace is forever just out of reach.

We can strive to find truth in peace, or we can allow chaos to uncover it for us. Unfortunately, chaos usually brings pain as it's companion.

Listen in the silence to what your heart is trying to tell you, and act from there.

Dr. Alan Barnes

@maddrbdc