Morning Reflection: A disciple of desire.

A disciple of desire.

It seems that one of my constant, ongoing and unrelenting struggles in life is to find discipline. Anyone who has seen my desk in my home office can attest to this. Unfinished projects, unfiled paperwork, non-actioned post it notes and incomplete ideas scribbled on any available paper.

I wish I was more disciplined, yet in some areas of my life, I have discipline.

Since finally making the decision to lose weight almost 2 years ago, I have lost over 140lbs naturally, no supplements, medication or surgery. Obviously this is not something I could have managed without discipline, yet I struggle to take that strength of will and apply in other areas of my life.

Truthfully, I have found that a discipleship of desire is the birthplace of discipline, yet the associations in my subconscious are very different regarding some of those words.

The word disciple evokes feelings of reverence, but also power. I think not only of spiritual discipleship, but also of physical strength, emotional control and financial freedom.

Yet when I consider the word discipline, my association is a negative one, and I find myself immediately wanting to move away from anything that looks like discipline imposed upon me, not generated from within myself.

But the more disciplined I am in my life, the greater sense of freedom and peace I find within myself.

In my attempts to become more disciplined, I realize that I have to manage my desire in order to manipulate my discipline.

That which I desire strongly breeds of itself the discipline necessary to achieve or possess it.

So I find myself becoming a disciple of desire, so that I might have the discipline to achieve my dreams.

What do you desire?

-- Dr. Alan Barnes

@maddrbdc

His example made a difference in my life

Yeah, the picture is slightly blurry, but my memory of this day is as sharp as ever.

This is Greg Plitt. Fitness model, author, motivational speaker, former army ranger. He acted, was on TV, and had an amazing life.

On June 8, 2013, Greg was part of the Bodybuilding.com Fitness Expo in Boise.

Although he was rushed, he spent a couple of minutes talking to me, and then was willing to be photographed with me.

For him, that was an everyday thing. For me, I hated being photographed. I hated how I looked, how I felt and who I was.

But he didn’t see me that way. He made me feel like I could be successful, could change my life. I told him that day that I was going to change. It took me longer than I hoped...but I made it.

But I made it too late...

See the rest of this post at Shrinking Dr. B.

The Next Journey

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The next journey.

When I started my weight loss journey in May 2016, I didn’t really have a time frame. I just knew that I wanted to lose weight and eventually get back to 180 pounds.

Around November I started realizing that I could achieve 100 pounds of weight loss in approximately 8 months and I got excited...

See the rest of this posting at Shrinking Dr. B. 

Stall Warning

Source.

When you fly a plane, if you try to climb too fast or you change your angle of attack (how aggressively the wing attacks the air) too suddenly, you create a stall. Depending upon your plane, you will get a nasty buzzing noise or the computer freaks out and starts yelling at you.

Unfortunately, stalls are also a part of weight loss, but they don’t come with a warning. They can happen after you try something specifically stupid, like pushing yourself too hard to hit a target. Possibly someone you know (or are reading about) has done this recently. Possibly someone who looks a lot like me.

See the rest of this posting at Shrinking Dr. B.

Food is fuel – not fun

Food is fuel – not fun (with apologies to Bruce the shark in Finding Nemo).

Someone recently asked me what I eat. As I thought about it, I realized that I tend to eat a lot of the same things. Holly, my wife, has been very supportive of my lifestyle change, but I know it has been hard on her as she has felt like she can’t make a lot of the foods that she wants to make for me.

In conversation with someone, I was able to finally explain clearly what I feel about food at this point.

Food is fuel – not fun.

I use that analogy very specifically. For the longest time, I have used food for a source of comfort, and something to look forward to. In the past, foods like pizza, pasta, soda, milk and bread have been a staple of my life, and I have enjoyed eating them.

So why change how I was eating? Because for me, they were the wrong type of fuel...

See the rest of this posting at Shrinking Dr. B.

An unexpected miracle...

I wrote last week about my unwanted Christmas present, when the scale showed me that I had gained weight. I was pretty sure it was water weight – but it still wasn’t what I was looking for.

When I started losing weight, I wanted to be at 250 lbs by Christmas. At the time, it seemed like a crazy goal that I could never reach.

Until I got there way earlier.

Then it was 240 by Christmas, but I achieved that early as well.

So then I wanted the big one – 100 lbs in 8 months.

When I started this journey on May 2, I weighed 330 lbs. To lose 100 lbs in 8 months, I would need to weigh 230 lbs by January 1, 2017.

It seemed impossible, but then it started to look like I could make it…and I got really hopeful...

See the rest of this posting at Shrinking Dr. B.

The Christmas present I didn't want

I guess I will have to settle for losing 95 lbs in 8 months and not 100. Oh well.

Seriously…Of all of the days for the scale to show me that I was up, Christmas Day was not the day I was looking for. I can honestly say that I have been “perfect” on my diet for the last 200 + days. I have not had a “cheat meal” or eaten anything that was outside of my parameters.

On Christmas Eve morning I was working with a weight loss client (yes, I am starting to do weight loss coaching) and told her how she shouldn’t base all of her energy on what the scale reads, but in trust in the process.

Those words came back hard on Christmas morning to me. Of all of the days, when there is going to be food all over the place, when no one would “judge me” for eating off of my diet, on a day when I could really use motivation, the scale shows I’m up 2 pounds.

See the rest of this posting at Shrinking Dr. B.

Struggling through the Season

After losing 100 lbs, you'd think that I was on cruise mode. You’d think that I was locked in and safe.

Honestly…no.

Yes, I have eaten “clean” (not off my diet) for 232 consecutive days. That’s right – 232 days. Only twice have I gone over my calories. Once on my son’s graduation, and once on my birthday. Even then, I still ate the foods that work for my eating lifestyle, just in a little larger proportions.

People who have talked to me about my weight loss tell me that they couldn’t do it, and how proud they are of me for being so strong.

Truth is, I thought by now it would be a little easier. But it’s not...

See the rest of this posting at Shrinking Dr. B.

Progress Pics 100 lbs lost!

100 lbs lost from this time last year.

This picture is actually from May 1 to Dec 5 of this year - when most of my weight loss has occured.

I'm amazed at how far I've come, but I still have a long way to go.

But for today - I'm happy with it.

Originally posted at Shrinking Dr. B.

97.5 – Sounds like a radio station

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97.5 – Sounds like a radio station.

It’s hard to believe, but I’m so close to having lost 100 lbs of weight.

In September 2015, I weighed 340 lbs. When I weighed myself today (November 27, 2016), I weighed 242.5 lbs.

97.5 lbs...DAMN!

That’s a lot of weight. I have two nieces who I love to death, and neither of them weighs that much.

But I know what you are all thinking...Show me the 100! :)

My original goal was 250 by Christmas – blew through that one in early November. So then my goal was 240 by Christmas – and it looks like I will...

See the rest of this post at Shrinking Dr. B.

Goal of 100 lost by Christmas (AKA it’s all about the numbers)

Back in the early part of the year, I set myself a goal of weighing 250 pounds by Christmas.

That was before I started eating to a Ketogenic diet, and I had no concept of how I could actually achieve my goal, given my failure at losing weight before. Truth be told, I wasn’t even sure I could do it, but I knew I wanted to.

After starting Keto, I calculated that I could reach 250 pounds earlier than that, and...

See the rest of this post at Shrinking Dr. B.

Out with the Old and in with the Older?

One of the great things about losing weight is watching the scale show you lower and lower numbers. At 5 ½ months, I am down around 75 pounds. I never thought it was possible, but I am actually enjoying losing weight, and I do not feel like I am depriving myself at all.

One of the things that has been a surprise is how fast I am going through clothes. When I started back on May 2, I was wearing a size 50 pants and 4-5X shirts. I am actually fitting currently into a pair of jeans that are a size 40, and I have realized that I am over halfway to my goal of a 34 inch waist.

But going through clothes so quickly has a downside...you end up with...

See the rest of this post at Shrinking Dr. B.

80 lbs lost!

I have lost over 80 lbs!

Over half-way to my goal of 180 lbs. Last September I weighed 340 lbs. No idea of how I was going to make it happen, but I knew I need to change.

As you know, in May of this year I started the Ketogenic Diet (should be called a lifestyle, because diets end, this won't) and now I'm down 70 lbs since the start of May of this year, and over 80 lbs overall.

I'm half-way through, but this is...

See the rest of this post at Shrinking Dr. B.

Progress Pics: 4 Months on Keto

reddit/r/keto

Picture on the left is May 1, 2016.
Picture on the right is September 3, 2016.

This is 4 months and 60 lbs.

Originally posted at Shrinking Dr. B.

Halfway Point

Almost halfway:

That sounds crazy. Almost halfway through losing a whole person (I guess losing 160 pounds could be considered a whole person).

I was just tracking some food in MFP and I realize that having lost 78 pounds from my highest weight of 340 pounds last September I am two pounds away from hitting my halfway point. My goal is to weigh 180 pounds which I know is going to take a long time. Realizing that I am halfway there is....

See the rest of this post at Shrinking Dr. B.

Sometimes a Long Journey...

They say that the journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. After you have taken those first steps you need to keep doing it, even when you do not seem to have made much progress towards your destination.

For me, 340 pounds was the start of that journey, with the eventual destination being 180-190 pounds. That is a lot of weight to lose, and it is a long journey.

Carrying 150 pounds of excess weight is like having a person on your back the entire day. You are more tired, and everything hurts. You hate how you look, you hate how you feel, and you pretty much hate yourself.

On a journey of this length it helps to have intermediate goals; little things to celebrate along the way to help you stay motivated.

So I am excited to be able to say that I have finally broken through the 50 pound weight loss goal. When I weighed in this morning I was 286.4, which is over 50 pounds lost from my highest weight in September last year. While I can tell I am losing weight (clothes are looser and I had to put another notch in my belt) reaching that 50 pounds lost is huge for me psychologically. The last 3-5 weeks have been incredibly stressful both professionally and personally, but somehow I have found the strength and the discipline to keep losing weight.

So now it is on to the next goal. Christmas Day is 22 weeks from today. My goal is to be at 240 pounds by then, which will be 100 pounds lost overall. I need to lose about 2 pounds a week for that to happen. While I am doing well with my food and nutrition goals, I need to start building in some exercise to help work on my strength and stamina.

Today, I am just going to be grateful for where I am at. I still have a long way to go, but I am about a third of the way there, and for today, that is enough.

First Milestone...Accomplished

First milestone accomplished.

So after eight weeks on a ketogenic diet, I am happy to say that I am finally under 300 pounds for the first time in probably three years.

At this point, I am down about 30 pounds in around eight weeks. It is a little more than I expected I would be losing, and I have to play with my food intake a little bit to try and bring that down to around 3 pounds a week, but so far I am really happy with the progress.

I will need to go clothes shopping in a couple of weeks, because without a belt now most of the pants I am wearing will not stay up at all. I have even had to go back to using a belt that I gave up on about a year ago.

I have also managed to fit back into my largest wedding ring (I have four, because I was 168 when Holly and I got married almost 20 years ago). It is nice to be able to wear it without worrying about being able to remove it if necessary.

So I am trying to work out what I should do to reward myself for the first 30 pounds, and also trying to set a reward for the next goal, which is 250 by Christmas.

Any thoughts on what I should do?

The Courage to Start Again

Most people who know me know that I have struggled with my weight all my life. 

There have been times that I have been successful in losing weight, only to fail and put it all back on again.

In 2012, I did the 60 day juice fast and went from 294 pounds down to 217 pounds.  I thought I had found the answer to my problems.  I ended up putting it all back on and more, eventually weighing my highest at 340 pounds.

So why try again? Why try when multiple times in my life I have lost a significant amount of weight only to put it back on again?  Each time costing me more of my self-esteem as the failures mount one after another.

I think part of it is the realization that I only really fail if I stop trying.  I live with the hope that someday I can find a way through this problem and be happy where I am at.

I have learned recently that sometimes you have to take a long hard look at yourself and be brutally honest about what you find, even though it is painful.

So why start again? Because if I do not, nothing changes.

So I have started the keto diet, also known as ketogenic diet.  Mainly it is a balance of fats and proteins, and very little carbs. I have cut out milk, soda, bread, pasta, cookies, pizza and anything else that contains carbohydrates. I watch my macro intake (protein/fat/carbohydrates) and my calorie intake at My Fitness Pal (an online tracking program).

So far I am down to around 24 pounds in about six weeks, averaging out at about 4 pounds a week. A little higher than I probably ought to, but right now there is some balance there so I am going to work with it.

Because if I do not, nothing changes. Time passes, frustration mounts, regret builds and dreams die.

That is unacceptable to me, so I start again.

Wish me luck.